Track Coach Gifts

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

With Running Lanes/Without Running Lanes

Tightly run track meets.

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

Centaur Sprinter

"Quick, which way to the toilet?"

'Tortoise beats Hare...subject to performance enhancing drug test results.'

Pole Vault Snaps.

Track runner running out of track

"I understand your concern, but 'You can't lose face if you don't run the race' isn't the competitive spirit we're looking for here on the track team."

"Your track coach expects a speedy recovery."

"I don't fancy our chances, he's got God's speed my friend."

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Reach for the Star.

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Go team!

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"I AM at my usual position."