Toxic Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Acid and solvents R Us

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

Dynamite little combo

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Some scents are nonsense.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Clone Factory

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Pokemon Get Lost

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Inactivists"

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

Trump Tariffs

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'You forgot the product label.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

Small Government Is Here

Prescription Drugs '96.

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

BP is compensating those affected by the black tide in Gulf of Mexico...