Toupee Jokester Pillows

Snail Pattern Balding.

Man not happy about going bald.

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Watering the garden gnome

'He's wearing a toupee.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'Sorry, ocean sounds can't be heard due to a computer glitch.'

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

'The CEO had inexplicably been given the wrong date for Dress-down Friday.'

How to fool a seagull

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'