Toupee Jokester Pillows

Snail Pattern Balding.

Man not happy about going bald.

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Watering the garden gnome

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'Sorry, ocean sounds can't be heard due to a computer glitch.'

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

'The CEO had inexplicably been given the wrong date for Dress-down Friday.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

How to fool a seagull

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

'Oh, lighten up.'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'