Tormented Creative Gifts

"I know what I want to convey...but I can never seem to express it on canvas!"

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

A Poet

Exhibition for Prisoners

"So you're the artist dating my daughter? I've seen your work...you MUST be starving."

"Maybe I haven't suffered enough. Why don't you whip up some of your curried pork balls and refried rice for dinner?"

'Fine, I'll go to my room, but one day when I'm a famous artist you'll be telling this story as an amusing anecdote!'

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"By the way, HarperCollins decided your book did not warrant publication."

Married Life - Poet unable to write because of noisy children

"Dude—you're ruining my face—and when are you painting my hands—my ear is itchy—also you stink—hurry up!"

"They're love poems alright, but he cuts up the lines, throws them in the air and reassembles them randomly..."

'She leaves before I finish her portrait.'

A military officer daydreams

'This next song is about a close call and a near success. It's called The Grant that Got Away.'

"To be honest, nobody wants to buy your paintings... we need a promotional strategy! Cut off your ear in public!"

Brendan Behan.

Photocopying his ass was not as easy as he'd been led to believe.

Jean Genet.

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

Idlewild.

'I keep it this way on purpose, for speedy reference.'

'"For the love of it" no longer accepted. Cash only'

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

An artist unsure of what to do with his paintings

"I put my best ideas on the internet and all I got was this print-on-demand shirt."

'Golf was too frustrating, so Ed took up painting!'

'What do you do for a living?'

The Grave

'I have great hopes for my next alibi -- I'm taking a creative writing course.'

"My grant ran out"

Degas Was Here