Torah Talker T-Shirts

"First, do no ham."

'Yes, all at once!'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Moses as a child.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Biblical Jewish Medical Ethics

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

Moses Parting the Red Tea

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"When we get to the promised land I never want to even see a piece of mann again for as long as I live."

'The plan is that we wander in the desert until somebody recognizes our right to exist.'

Safer Torah

And Moses climbed the mountain, day and night, searching for some sort of sign from god when suddenly he saw it!

'I'm really worried Doc. I'm beginning to feel quite good about myself!'

"We can rule out stage fright. Maybe it's performance anxiety."

"I sometimes eat and drink too much. My stomach gets very upset about it."

Torah-nosaurus Rex

Torah reading on the subway.

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Benaiah questions the mighty men on who pushed him in the pit.

"Glad you could join us, Donna. Please take a seat."

Haman as a child

'No, sorry, this isn't an oil tanker.'

'Why can't you rebel like a normal teenager?'

"Look, it's manna or nothing - No WAY He's going to give us ham sandwiches!"

King Solomon