Toolbox Tinkerer Gifts

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'No breakfast until you're finished making your bed, Joey.'

Hammer User Manual

"Wow! This guy's a hard nut to crack!"

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"I've spent 6 hours trying to put this wine rack together. Maybe Ikea is Swedish for 'some part missing.'"

'I hit my thumb with a hammer.' - 'Well, it wouldn't happen if you hold the hammer with both hands.'

"What a rip-off."

Carpenter

"It's good he has only simple tools. He usually gives up before he does much damage."

"You've given me quite a turn. . . !"

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

Do it yourself

'Wow! I'm trying to fix my glasses with contact solution instead of super glue!'

Guide to Carpentry Fish

"Okay guys you have your assignments. Let's get cracking!"

"Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe."

Mechanic watch 'The lug Bolt' on TV

Nail and Hammer

I couldn't find the monkey wrench in the toolbox, Axel. Have you seen it? Do you have a loose monkey that needs tightening, or a tight monkey that needs loosening?

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Painting the Ceiling

Tool Box