Tool Tinker Gifts

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Plumber School. 1. Never bring the right tools. 2. Always go back to fetch them. 3. Suck your teeth.

"Don't forget to read the assembly details before you start."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

The Computer Bore

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Painting the Ceiling

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Tool Box

Drool Marks

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Early cyborg.

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Sale! Weed Whackers

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

Gadget geek.

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

The Not-So Smart Meter