Tool Tinkers Gifts

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Tool Box

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Painting the Ceiling

Drool Marks

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Early cyborg.

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Sale! Weed Whackers

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

The Not-So Smart Meter