Tool Time Warrior T-Shirts

'It's going to be all right, sir. Just slow down and tell me how long you've been lost.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

Award Winning Gardener

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

D.I.Y

The Hammer

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Deadlines

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

DIY horror.

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'My axe is all dull! -- Have you been using it to shave your legs again?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

"Remedial Karate"

"Bob's a tool belt."

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."

'It's an old work injury.'