Tool Talker T-Shirts

They always go for the hoe.

'I made a big mistake. In a fit of anger, I said, 'Screw you' to my boss.'

"I can't get through to him. See what you can do."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Tool Box

Painting the Ceiling

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Sale! Weed Whackers

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

Congratulations on your retirement!

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Waiting for retirement.

The Hammer

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

A crab with a utility knife claw

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'Swiss Army Rescue Service. How can we help?'

'The New... New, Swiss Army Knife.'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'