Tool Talker Pillows

They always go for the hoe.

Oh, ho ... Here comes that boring guy!

'I made a big mistake. In a fit of anger, I said, 'Screw you' to my boss.'

"I can't get through to him. See what you can do."

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Painting the Ceiling

Tool Box

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Sale! Weed Whackers

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"I got a swiss army hook!"

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

Congratulations on your retirement!

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

Waiting for retirement.

The Hammer

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions