Tool Maintenance T-Shirts

"Lovely dovetail."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

The Hammer

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

Lazy plumber.

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'