Tool Usage T-Shirts

'Oh great. They're metric tools, and I've got standard nuts and bolts.'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Painting the Ceiling

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

Sale! Weed Whackers

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

"I got a swiss army hook!"

"I'm starting my own delivery service. Is there anything you want to borrow from my Dad?!"

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"Lovely dovetail."

Congratulations on your retirement!

"Of course I know how to use a chainsaw!"

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Ray's as excited as...well...as excited as a guy who just bought a snowblower on the eve of a storm.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."