Tolkien Buff T-Shirts

"The oath according to the Tolkien Pixie God of Goblinara doesn't apply here Mr. Brown."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Knight Golfing

"Wow. . . what's that?!"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"Our focus group will butcher your focus group."

Missing You.

Get on with it!

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"Say! While I'm off in the Holy Land, why don't you find a little crusade of some kind that interests you?"

Knights of the Square Table.

'You can't recuse yourself from a war!'

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

Lord of the Rings IV.

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive

'Now don't forget, polar bears can be sneaky buggers.'

"With a little luck he'll be a benevolent teenager."

"This is the first time you've ever planned a moat, I'm guessing?"

"One of you go see who's at the door."

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

Planner at work.

The Landlord Of The Rings

A dragon has eaten my knight, please help.

Knight Vision

'Your iceberg salad, Captain!'

'Nine years after the conclusion of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Gollum reveals how he wins Steve Buscemi look-alike contests.'

Scheduel.

Peter Jackson's Hobbit

"Dangerous? Nah, I could count on one hand the number of times he's bitten me."

'NASA, Asteroid Watch Dept'

"We both agreed that for a while she'd slay the dragons and I'd look after the castle."

Dog

'The Yarl of Orkney is not big on mediation.'

There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our little kingdom has ever known.