Tolkien Devotee T-Shirts

'Wake up, Harold - you're Tolkien in your sleep.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice a favourite, and entrusted by his master.

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

Church Restoration Fund.

'I'm stressed: My dad was a champion, my mum was a champion, there's a lot of pressure on me to become a champion...'

Happy Violinist

"This artist's very successful. And he's not even dead."

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

Post-psychoanalysis

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

Sir Edmund Hillary Arriving Home To His Third Floor Apartment

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

Give Thanks.

'Now that's devotion. Two broken arms and still working.'

"I know they're expensive, Evelyn, but like the saying goes...If the Jimmy Choos fit, wear them!"

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

Lord of the Rungs: Window Cleaner

'Congratulations Perkins! Always first arrived and last to leave. You're on your way to the top.'

"I find it difficult to like him. He's too good at being humble."

Sauron's Sore Eye

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my prenup anymore.'

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

"I'm on Fendi and Prada, and heading toward Louis."

Tolkien Characters That Never Made it out of the Author's Notebooks