Toddler Taming Titan Pillows

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

"She does this when she's tired."

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

"They can run but they won't be able to hide."

'I made a substitute in the recipe. Take-out.'

Socially responsible kid throws rubbish in the bin.

"I haven't been in a playpen yet that could hold me."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

Babies

"So...what are you in for?"

"Don't worry, it gets easier when they're 35."

Pizza and Related Searches.

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

'Dad could use one of these when he's playing golf.'

The First Supper

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

The Academic Brain, showing parts: teach, write, do research, and (the largest part) serve on committees.

Crying parent holds crying baby.

"This tantrum has been powerful, honest and riveting, and I think we should just give him what he wants."

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'