Toddler Life Analyst T-Shirts

'He's three tomorrow and from now on everything he sees will probably be repeats!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Modern Life Blues

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

A boy and his spin patrol.

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

"Very funny."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

Hey, I could get used to this couch potato thing.

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

Street sign: 'Life gets even more complicated here to corner.'

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

"He looks so natural."

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

The meaning of life...

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

Vending machine offers tea and sympathy

Swings Doctor

'Sorry about that - Harry's into everything at the moment.'

"Pop-up prison."

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."

'Motherly radar, we've know about. Now we suspect motherly in-home surveillance cameras.'

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

"What's it like to have sexually active parents?"

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

These days in Hamelin the piper casts a very lonely shadow. . . improvements in sanitation have mostly controlled the rats, while social media has total control over the children!!

Father's Day

"So, what inspired you to study engineering, get married, find a job, move to the suburbs, have a couple of kids, and grow old?"

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"Why are they always pushing quality on us?"