Child Development Analyst T-Shirts

'I can't make it tonight. I have to attend my mother's lecture series on responsibility.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"He talks the talk."

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

Toilet Training

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"They grow up so quickly. It seems like only yesterday that he was in the third grade. Wait, it was yesterday!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'I read all the parenting books, but you always manage to stay one step ahead of me!'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

Proud mums.

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

Kids' energy levels

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

'They sort of grow on you.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

'I wouldn't worry. At that age they put everything in their mouths.'

'All those years of teaching me to walk and talk. . . now all they want is for me to sit down and shut up!'

"He's very smart. We just need to work on his focus."

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

"At what age can we expect him to understand digital technology?"

'She has great communication skills.'

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

"My son's only a year old and he's been walking for 3 months..."

"But, sweetie, children are the backbone of our educational system."

'When I grow up, I think I'd like to be a deus ex machina, just like you.'

'He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites.

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

Swings Doctor

'She's a good listener!. . . she seems so intent on what we say.'

'Statistically, drooling is only cute for the first six months. After that we'll have to start screaming in public to get any kind of attention.'