Toast Humorist T-Shirts

"You were with her again, weren't you?"

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

"That's it. We’re toast."

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Honest Vending

Cake Free Zone

Champagne

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"I'd like to toast our guests."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Pint

Mr Jefferson Brick Proposes a Toast at the 'Rowdy Journal' Offices

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

Love wine

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

Digital TV presents "It's true there really is a channel for everyone"