Tip Jar Observer T-Shirts

"The coffee here is so expensive! What can I get for a dollar?"

'The circle is complete!'

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

Big Brother watching you watch Big Brother

'racism is the new black.'

"Tip my boy."

John Kerry making a speak: 'What'd he say?'

Gone to seed.

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

"Please, George...not here!"

"Did you ever notice, the snow is always whiter on the other side of the glacier?"

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

'Well, we couldn't store all the corn.'

"I know what's happened. This is Meet-n-mingle. You should be next door at Hobnobbing."

"This is not the sort of America I envisioned, Tom-an America in which the middle class has to use public transportation."

What's the best way to groom a neck-beard? Um

"I don't think this is a diner about being a diner. I think this is just a diner."

"Can't these people read? I put a sign saying 'No Solicitors' on my website, and I'm still getting spam."

"I mostly rely on a collection of weird tips I've found on the internet."

'Dad, I've decided to make some money to supplement my allowance.' 'Good for you. Got a little mowing job?' 'Nope. A tip jar. And oh by the way, 15 to 20 percent is customary.'

The Princess and the Particle

"Don't worry about expenses. This will all be passed along to the consumer."

"Things have been tough. Carol is going through the change."

"I'm drinking far too much. Last Saturday night I overindulged and left a 500 dollar tip."

The Short Hop From Boomer To Delusional

"No, no, no! We never start playing with an empty jar!"

How to increase your income...

"Actually, Tommy, we're just about full-blooded management, except for your grandfather on your mom's side, who was one-quarter labor."

'Mother, the other children won't permit me to participate in their activities -- they allege that I have elitist tendencies.'

Home Alone 45

"I was only flirting to get..."