Tiny Tornadoes Of Chaos Pillows

'Boy, when I get tall you'll have to put all of the breakable stuff really high.'

A young Don King

The No No No's

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

"Baby Jackson Pollock"

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

'This is my natural habitat.'

"My mom said a tornado hit my room. I checked my weather app, and it said clear skies."

"A tornado? Uh, yeah...that's exactly what happened, Mom, a tornado did hit my room!"

Little Piano

G.P.S. For the Home

"Well? Have I hit it yet?"

Oops.

Gangster Babies

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"It's perfectly all right. I used to do the same sort of thing when I was a little boy."

'Space aliens, my foot! You get right down there and clean up that mess!'

"There's a grouch on my couch."

'Don't just sit there buffering, clean up you room.'

Serf faints as apple is shot from his head by an arrow.

'We'd better go clean our rooms - Mom's getting serious.'

'I didn't get it all done in a day.'

Kid's towel.

"…Ok, tough guy, see this scar? Prius hit me—didn’t even hear it coming." "I got that beat. Right here: three-year-old woke me from a nap with a fork."

'Dad, I'm sure you're probably ticked about this, but when I tell you what happened, I'm sure you'll agree it's been a great learning experience for me,'

I can't put my hoof on it...but there is something different about this place!

The Texter

"Is it too late for me to go back to the old ladies bike basket?"

"Mom! Jonah's engaging in nation-building again!"

'The tornado did no damage downtown, but 5 storm chasers collided out on Route 54.'

I'm not accusing you of wearing dirty laundry off your bedroom floor, but moldy dishes attached themselves to your clothes.

"His bark is bigger than his bite."

"Motorway of Life Police. I'm afraid your husband met with a very nasty accident in the fast line."

'You obviosly need anger management. All your texts are in caps.'