Tiny Epicureans T-Shirts

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Holiday Supplies

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"You arrived as bottom-feeders, but you shall leave as bottom-gourmands."

"It was a really romantic dinner. I cried when he gave me roses. We had lobster and wine. He cried when we got the bill."

"Call this cordon bleu?"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Michel Roux Jr

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

'Now let's call and see what time it is in CHINA!'

How to injury yourself as an adult

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"I see you've finished your meal, sir. Can I get you anything else?... Coffee? Brandy? A doctor?"

'If I have but one life to live, Pierre, it's going to be a gastric life.'

"Since I proved in my last lecture that none of us really exist...I'm going to change this to a cooking class!"

'On your way back from the Holy Land, can you stop at Paris and pick up some creme brulee?'

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"Bob, no! You don't drown in white wine with steak!"

"Ambitions... to stand on my own two feet."

Survival of the Foodiest

'Good thing the recipe doesn't call for two tablespoons of port, we'd need a second cart.'

'The bill is part of the chef's surprise, sir.'

Nick's Greek Restaurant: Special - Nick's own translation of the Odyssey

'Now, if you can get them when they're still in the clamshell, their adrenalin is way higher which enhances the taste. In fact, here comes one right now!'

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'