Tin Can Humorist Gifts

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's been lookin' all over for ya.'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Distracting the fish.'

"My compliments to the can opener."

That fateful day when curiosity actually DID kill the cat.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

Banana Ballet

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

'It's the law of the puszta, son. Them tripping on a banana skin, that's funny. Us tripping on a banana skin, that's a conspiracy!'

'I didn't know these cars had such a large tank.'

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by thin cans! Sheriff's been lookin' all over for ya.'

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

"We've got friends arriving in ten minutes and you're telling me you can't light the barbecue?"

'We've done all we can, but these beans... *sunglasses* ...Have expired.'

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'I see the problem.' Car grill looks like teeth.

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Fears

'You're cheating on me? How can you be so heartless?!'

"My ringtone is the sound of one hand clapping."

"You can try make-up, but you're a banana...age spots are inevitable."

It's not as sexy as hunting or gathering, but I'm the guy who makes sense of it all.

'Hey, baby, does this turn you on?'

Dog on the phone.

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

An Anatomically Incorrect Doll.

'I wonder what kind of dog Romney will have in the White House if he's elected.'

De'ja' va - "This coffee is starting to repeat on me!"

"How the hell do they get us into one of those tiny cans?"