Time Traveler (always Late) Pillows

"If Mr. Jackel ever gets here, ask him about this award for always being late at his last job."

'Sorry I'm late - My alarm must have gone off while I was asleep.'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

'That's about it so far, Son.'

The Missing Sock Returns

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

E=mc2.

Second hand furniture.

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Time for vacation, time for work.

Sundial Time

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

Danger Slow Sand.

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"I don't know who you are!"

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."