Ticket Dodger Pillows

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

Dozens of parking tickets under windscreen wipers. Woman passenger says: 'It might be time to give the windscreen a wipe.'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'I don't suppose you're just writing me a Valentine?'

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'Just a minute, officer. I found a loophole in this law book!'

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

"Do you have a moment to be late for something you just made up?"

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity.'

"You recused yourself from this case. I recuse myself from jury duty."

"It's weird... My boss has a freaky way of seeing through my excuses. It's like a sick sense."

"Yoo-hoo! My husband gets the senior-citizen discount! Yoo-hoo, Officer, yoo-hoo!"

"He lost his Season Ticket."

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

When government depends on state lottery: Playing the lottery is lots of fun and a great investment plan!

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"I can't wait that long."

'Just give me everything you've got.'

"Tell me about online banking again. I'm not good at technology, but it's got to be less stressful than this."

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

'It's not fair. You have classes and pep talks on selling and I have to resist all on my own.'

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

Senior Prelate's Rail-Card

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Gentlemen, this deal offers some spectacular opportunities for us to miss, and miss them we shall.'

Sorry out of numbers.

'Don't take the buyout.'

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

'Crystal! You didn't duck and cover! If this wasn't just a drill and I had been a real deranged fan, you'd be soaked in beer right now!'