Thrifty Hearts Gifts

'I don't date them until they have a free bus pass - saves money on a night out...'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

Say it with flowers

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'What can you get with a quarter?'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

A thief steals a heart

The Bargain Brand

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

How much would you take off for cash?

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

'If the pound is worth so little, can I have a couple?'

"C'mere, space heater."

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

Counting Blessings

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

"Uh, Dad, I appreciate the 'walkin' around money,' but I need 'walkin' around New York City money.'"

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."