Thought Therapist Gifts

"Before we analyze the data, we must analyze the person who came up with the data."

Thinking Gears

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

The Map of the human brain

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

"I feel used."

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"I see a psychiatrist holding a Rorschach test."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'