Thermostat Tamer Pillows

'Ah-ah! Hands off the thermostat!'

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

His New Grillfriend

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Burnt or Raw?

Busy office.

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"He won't stop and ask for directions when he COOKS, either."

"You like yours well done, right?"

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

I love Science.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'He left for the office in a bit of a temper!'

"Who like 'em well done?"

'I'd say you're a little late...'

Atomic Bear: Part 5

"When Stan's barbecuing nothings ever 'well done'."

Childhood Screen Addict

'I told you he had a temper.'

The new rain dance.

"Shall I phone the fire brigade yet."

Zero gravity and subzero gravity explained.

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

"I replaced my G.P.S with auto correct, and every time I try to go right, it makes me go write...."