Thermostat Guru Pillows

"The best thing about my promotion? I'll be in charge of the thermostat."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

The Computer Bore

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

Evolution.

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

e-shoes

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

Walking Luggage.

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Crap from the future.

Early cyborg.

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'