There-and-back-again Proponents Pillows

Destinations

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Church Basement Foodie

'Wow, how did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

"If we can't find the way forward, let's find the way back."

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

'I am the winner!'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Advertising Lessons from the Old School

'Reinventing myself.'

Stunning politeness.

'I've decided to narrate my own like in the third person today', he said - 'Oh, God. Not this again', she uttered plaintively. - 'Shut. Up.', she bellowed threatiningly at the fleeing man.

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

"He's a very sound sleeper. When he sleeps he makes all kinds of sounds!"

"My wife wants to spend Halloween with her first husband."

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

'My homework? Why, at home.'

"He killed in rehab."

Back on the mound after succesful Elton John surgery.

"It's a setback, but we'll bounce back."

"We decided to restore our home to its original state."

"Oh, definitely, I feel there's a reason I was given a second chance."

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

"Kid, you got a 'While You Were Out' message."

Basketball Nerds.

I'd join you, but this dratted self-timer only waits for ten seconds!

'You say you broke 100 in golf? I did it at the store.'

Grandparents' 3-Legged Race.

Devil banging on cloud with broom to shut up angels

'I'm considering a comeback...'

"I'd like someone who combines the best attributes of my first and third wives."