Bring-and-share Devotee Pillows

Church Basement Foodie

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"Whoa! Was that today?"

"What is a drag queen's goal?"

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

"...And please let the merger do through!"

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"God, I love this show!"

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Am I a new parent? No, I'm a new Uber driver taking him to school."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"There's nothing like a dame!"

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

Hire a lawyer - get one free! Limited time only.

"EWE-BUR" "SHEAR-X"

"You should have said you wanted chairs when you booked the table."

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Dog with balloon, y-fronts, and party hat

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.

'Yes, that's all - isn't 1500 calories enough?'

"Would sir like to bless the wine before I serve it?"

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

'Michael left me because of my extreme couponing...at least I think he left me.'

'Hey! My Chili is Chilly!' 'I'll add some Chilies!'

Jeff had actually ordered Aromatic Duck

'...And the hotel was an absolute dump!'

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

"Move over, pardner, yer ridin' in the horsepool lane!"