Brick-and-mortar Devotee Pillows

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Bond James, Bond."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Silly wig.

Church Basement Foodie

"Whoa! Was that today?"

'How come we never get invited to 'come as you are' parties?'

Church Restoration Fund.

"They'd sold out of #1's."

Peter Gabriel

"As you can see, my culinary creations are eclectic."

Sales Campaign - Ok, Fender - sell me!

"Scratch my head, would you?"

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Where is global warming when you want it?

It wasn't the first bad decision Ron O'Neal made, but it would be the last.

Dog with balloon, y-fronts, and party hat

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

I have to build an ark -- He's doing a total makeover.

John Knox

"That's one 50-gallon drum of shampoo, one 50-gallon drum of conditioner, and one leaf-blower. Sign here."

Marathon runners in silly costumes.

'Why didn't you wake me? You made me miss my coffee break!'

Delivered Pretty Much To Your Door!

The pope.

"I think we've met. Plushiefest? St. Louis? You went as Mr. Peanut, right? I was Nemo!"

"Please welcome Big Alcohol."

'The invitation says casual but of course you don't do casual do you.'

"ButI thought he was just praying without ceasing."

"$119? I can get this on the internet for $36!"

A Clean Sweep at the Vatican.

"I don't mind Harold bringing his work home, but it's the ringing of the bells I object to."

Labelled Church Bells.

"This never could have happened at www.amazon.com."