Therapy Traveler Pillows

"Excuse me for a moment. It's my idiot husband."

I'm afraid of Chia Pets, doctor. Actually, Al, so am I. Either you're getting well, or I'm going nuts.

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

Failed Medical Tourism

Desert Island Business

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Couples' therapy

Pet a Puppy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'