Therapy Session Veteran Pillows

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

'-and you hate sleeping alone-well,there's a coincidence!'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

A therapist laughing behind the back of his patient who is an upset looking clown.

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

'So, who's not a happy bunny?'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

"Tell me..How do you feel about being abducted?"

The lineup for mental health services around the building.

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Have you tried jet skiing? - I've never seen an unhappy jet skier."