Therapy Session Attendee Pillows

'No... you first.'

Advice for the narcissist.

"Any chance of a longer couch?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Large Emoticon Collider

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

'Life can be tough, Peel.' - 'Yes.' - 'But you have to stay positive.' - 'Yes' - 'You have to keep telling yourself, 'This loser is funding my holiday to Hawaii.' - 'Yes.'

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'

Life can be beautiful, Al. But for you, the fly in the ointment is your self-loathing. So, my question to you is, what's the fly doing in the ointment? The backstroke!

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

In a twist on "It's A Wonderful Life," sometimes I wonder what the world would have been like if I HAD existed.

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

'So, who's not a happy bunny?'