Therapy Session Collector Gifts

'I'm not as happy as I should be.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"It's not you. It's me. Okay...It is you..."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'How old is this vase?'

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.