Therapy Session Collector Gifts

'I'm not as happy as I should be.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I wonder what this was for."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

'I told you he had a temper.'

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

'How old is this vase?'

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'So, who's not a happy bunny?'

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'