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(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Postwar is hell."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

The trauma of losing.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."