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'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

Good shrink, bad shrink.

'I'm an honest person but when I take an online survey, I'm a big liar.'

'The way this works is that you say the first thing that comes to your mind...'

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

'I propose we trade services - you cure me of my delusions and I'll protect your navy.'

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'You're worried I've been prolonging your treatment for more money...and how does that make you feel?'

"I'm sorry, my therapist told me to give up slaying dragons."

I'll bark, and you bark the first thing that comes to mine.'

'I get better results with a live elephant and an invisible fence.'

'Perfectly normal ? everyone loves to see lawyers suffer.'

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

"Having reviewed her responses in the context of cognitive therapy with a psychodynamic input and some rational emotive behaviour we've concluded that she'd like it a bit longer at the back."

Reverse Psychology.

'And how old were you when your mother first called you a scaredy cat.'

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

"How does this make you feel?"

"He's a mental-health critic."

'It's like there's these people inside me, trying to get out.'

Patient switches from stalking girls to doctor.

"Before coming here, I didn't even know I was acrophobic."

'I'm faced with a dilemma. I've got to audit your tax return.'

'Sometimes, I'm like... wow! And then, I'm like... whoa! And then, I'm like... damn!'

'Your issues with Steve must go deeper than faking to throw sticks.'

Consumer Therapy

Santa incorporates therapy into his repertoire.

"I'm a burrito but hate that everybody treats me like a quesadilla."

Psychiatrist - 'Well, if you have nothing to say, I did some exciting things since our last session.'

'Look, going to strip clubs just isn't a healthy coping strategy...Those women only seem interested in you and your problems because they know you're going to pay them.'

"Nothing to be ashamed of, you know, after all, we're primates."

PsIkeatrist.

"Billy Bear will be helping me with this.. "

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

'You really should see a therapist about your pathological possessiveness, Mr. Pomeroy.'