Therapy Satirist Pillows

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"After the aversion therapy, please feel free to take home any pie remnants."

The Ancient Mummy and the Psychiatrist

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"How long have I had what problem?"

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

Dog in therapy.

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Teach me not to care."

I think I have a gilt complex.