Therapeutic Arts Gifts

'Let's set aside the role as the 'Bringer of Death' and explore your desire to dance,'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

Child's Drawing (With Elephantiasis)

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"Client screamed, "I HATE SPRING!" and continued to have a meltdown. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder."

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

'Do I have to be creative?'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"You're completely screwed up."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'