Therapeutic Practices Gifts

"Some hear me loud. Some hear me clear. No one hears me loud and clear."

Last Road Rage Therapist for 500 Miles

"Client screamed, "I HATE SPRING!" and continued to have a meltdown. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder."

ACME Isolation Tank

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

"Let me put it this way. If you had a tail, would you chase it?"

"Cured? - Before I went to my psychiatrist I was Napoleon - now, I'm back to being a nobody!!"

"I get uncomfortable around comfort food."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Postwar is hell."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

The trauma of losing.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'