Theory Chaser Gifts

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

ACME Balloon Company.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'At the sales department, we've got to meet our performance targets. We're not here to care about reality.'

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

'And right here they merged...'

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Oh, I can't complain"

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Dragon Graph

Einstein's Theory of Relativity For Dummies

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

'This it is, Ferguson! Finally, we found the legendary, mysterious snowmen crematory!'

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"We could try 'gravity' as an excuse."

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'Oooh. By Emily Bronte. A very controversial book...Cruelty! Passion! Death! Risky territory for a woman author in the 1800s.'

"Lucky Guess."

"You must admit, so far we've done pretty well for not yet having a product line."