Theorists With A Taste For Humor Gifts

Bertrand Russell

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

Zenemies.

Ruddy bloggers!

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

This will really mess with their minds someday.

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

Seneca

Human meat.

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

'This gene is necessary for experiencing pleasure when watching 'The Three Stooges'. It occurs only on the 'Y' chromosome.'

First Market Decline

"Mind if I tweak it?"

Department de Philosophie

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

Swiss Referendum

"Go home, you're not part of my target market."

"Poor Karl Marx...If he had known that guys like you are called 'human capital' these days he would have called his book 'The Sloth.'"

'Why should I pay you for washing the windows when the good Lord provides?'

"The EPA is being shut down."

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

"No, it's not funny. But it's in the tradition of funny."

'Okay, tell me in your own words why you think you're inadequate as a ventriloquist. And try not to move your lips.'