Theorists With A Taste For Humor Gifts

Bertrand Russell

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Zenemies.

Ruddy bloggers!

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"I don't think of it as copying from Danny's paper ... I think of it as utilizing the Freedom of Information Act."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

Human meat.

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Seneca

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

First Market Decline

"Mind if I tweak it?"

Department de Philosophie

'You know, you're a real piece of work, Al.'

"If they figure out how to clone humans, we're screwed."

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

"Poor Karl Marx...If he had known that guys like you are called 'human capital' these days he would have called his book 'The Sloth.'"

Swiss Referendum

"Go home, you're not part of my target market."

'Why should I pay you for washing the windows when the good Lord provides?'

"The EPA is being shut down."

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

'Okay, tell me in your own words why you think you're inadequate as a ventriloquist. And try not to move your lips.'

"No, it's not funny. But it's in the tradition of funny."

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."