Theologian's Sidekick Pillows

'How would you like to be on my new show: 'Smart Women, Smart Choices'?'

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

At the 2021 Religious Games

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"They are refering to the loaves and fishes as sandwiches."

'Can I help you?'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"I'd like to make a supper reservation for 12 disciples + 1, and could you put us at a table big enough so we can all sit on one side."

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

Jesus Fish

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."