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"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Tut and Carmen.

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

'It's my favorite.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'The Saxon King' pub

Surreal ale

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

To-Let Town Centre Map

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"Gotta go, lads, I smell death."

Theatrical emotion of Mr. Vincent Crummles

"Yes, but is it art?"

"Cultural economy - keep it going."

"Ignore gordon. He's had a snootfull."

Pub Kendo.

Tilted painting

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Take us to Lady Gaga."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

Theater Owner Who Refused To Convert To Digital Projection.

'This one is from my pre-arts grant period'

Please consider donating your cancelled ticket so that we may sing again for you very soon.

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but in order for Act 3 to go on we'll need an additional $17,000!'

'Can you do me a low alcohol tequila slammer?'

'One thing about beer -- you never get buyer's remorse.'

John Ruskin

Circus trousers

Theatrical Christmas.