Theatre Of Surgeries Gifts

'He put himself through med school doing stand-up.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'I like to wear women's collars.'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'Well, I'll be...look at this...there's a song in his heart!'

Pinocchio has a nose job.

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'I can't turn it off.'

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

"Will someone be completing my surgery?"

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"Nothing beats the thrill of operating beyond one's competence."

"First one to peek pays the other's malpractice premiums for the year."

"He was right. . . He really did have a novel in him."

'Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator.'

'Forgive the interruption, but can the surgeon wait until after he operates on me to play his chess.'

Early Learning Orthapaedic Surgery

"Well I'm out of ideas, here, anyone else want to give this a stab?"

"He's counted backwards by fives, he's named all fifty states plus their capitals. I'm telling you, the tank's out of anesthesia."

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

'I'm just opening him now. Stand by and I will give you a detailed description of what I find inside your husband...uh...hello?'

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

"Leave him alone. He's doing a great job!"