Theatre Buff Jokester Pillows

'Not for me luv - you know I'm diabetic!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Men dancing

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"I'm very highly strung!"

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.