Theatre Buff Jokester Pillows

'Not for me luv - you know I'm diabetic!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Men dancing

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"I'm very highly strung!"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Gang of Musicians