Theater Critic Gifts

"Well, the tickets sure as hell weren't minimal."

'I did enjoy it, but I would prefer it without the singing.'

What a lousy season - there hasn't been a good comedy in months.

Les Miserables: 'Oh, for mercy's sake - lighten up!'

Chekov play and scorecard,

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

"I don't like it already."

"I'm not convinced that 'Chekhov on Ice' was a good idea."

"How do you respond to those critics who say you're no talk, and all action?"

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'To be or not to be - well yes, but what about coma, trance, vegetative states, reincarnation, near death experience, cryogenics?'

William Shakespeare

Comedy, Tragedy and News.

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."

Waiting for Godot - waiting room.

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"This is an intervention. It's clear that you've resumed your habit of reading the reviews."

"And then when I got up on stage everyone clapped their hands."

Shakespeare today

"The dancing's fine, but I wish we could hear more viola."

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"

"How was the play!"

"The corps du ballet needs some urine testing."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"It's great, I pay for ground floor tickets, but enjoy the equivalent of balcony view..."

'The evening was enjoyable until the curtain went up...'

Earth seen from Space (restricted view).

'Is there an audience in the house?'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

'He never used to be this good - he's a cured ham.'

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

'It's true that the audience was applauding but that was to keep themselves awake!'

Sartre at the Movies.

"Ma, I just wanted you to know that the kid whose mouth you washed out with soap dozens of times was today referred to by the New York Times as a 'profanely eloquent' playwright!"