Theater Critic Gifts

"Well, the tickets sure as hell weren't minimal."

'I did enjoy it, but I would prefer it without the singing.'

What a lousy season - there hasn't been a good comedy in months.

Les Miserables: 'Oh, for mercy's sake - lighten up!'

Chekov play and scorecard,

"How do you respond to those critics who say you're no talk, and all action?"

"I don't like it already."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

"I'm not convinced that 'Chekhov on Ice' was a good idea."

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

'To be or not to be - well yes, but what about coma, trance, vegetative states, reincarnation, near death experience, cryogenics?'

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."

William Shakespeare

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

Comedy, Tragedy and News.

"It's great, I pay for ground floor tickets, but enjoy the equivalent of balcony view..."

"And then when I got up on stage everyone clapped their hands."

"This is an intervention. It's clear that you've resumed your habit of reading the reviews."

'The evening was enjoyable until the curtain went up...'

Earth seen from Space (restricted view).

'Is there an audience in the house?'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

'He never used to be this good - he's a cured ham.'

Jack-a-box in the theatre.

'It's true that the audience was applauding but that was to keep themselves awake!'

"My one man play is now in the west end. I play Lee Harvey Oswald."

"How much!!!?!"

Wrapper Crinkling Area

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

The Modern Godot

Shakespeare today

"The corps du ballet needs some urine testing."

"How was the play!"

"It's Shakespeare, Mother - please do't keep moaning 'Oh get on with it'!"