The Punctuality Police Pillows

"I'm aware you called to say you'd be late, but that was nine months ago!"

Late BroomStick

"You keep impeccable time."

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

Man looking at watch while a cuckoo comes out of his head

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

Employee attending a breakfast meeting in his pyjamas.

'Am I the first one here?'

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

Time Clock

'The trouble with punctuality is that it makes the day so long!'

"Always faithful to arrive early and, of course, get the dibs on the jelly doughnuts."

Deadlines, Inc.

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

"You're late."

'It's come to my attention that you're becoming a bit of a clock watcher.'

The Adventures of Grammar Man

John was always the first to notice typos.

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

"I don't like it - he used a spell checker!"

"You're so consistently late that you're pretty much doing my job and docking your own hours."

"Sorry I'm late. I took the stairs."

Internal Clocks.

Clock in, Clock out.

"Finally! I got all my deliveries done on time! I also put all the oil cans on the oil can shelves! And I actually put batteries in the battery display!"

"Yea yea, I'm right around the corner!"

Husband concerned about being late whilst wife has plastic surgery.

'I've invented a device for making people late for work.'

'That's Watson, away on the stroke of five as usual.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

9:15. Sorry I'm late -- I had to floss.