The Phobic Frontiersman Gifts

Agoraphobic Cowboys: 'Give me land, not much land, in a tight confining space please fence me in!'

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"I don't see any reason to change, if it ain't broke and all that!"

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

"In the Wild Wild West, we say, if it isn't yours, DON'T TAKE IT..."

"I couldn't afford an antivirus, so I installed a sneeze guard instead."

1839: Rare photograph of wagons on the 'Organ Trail.'

'I don't feel at home on the range any more!'

I'm Ok, You're Ok Corral

Two cowboys fight using remote control cowboys

House Hunters of the Old West

'Davy Crockett's divorce.'

The City of Eden…in Fact - Martin Outside the 'Office' of Chuzzlewit & Co

'What seems to be the problem?'

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

"I only use it for self definition."

"It's a big responsibility but I believe I can be both 'Joe six pack' and 'Joe six gun'."

Hand Sanitisers

'Have you never seen a boom town before, stranger?'

Scott of the Antarctic

"Wait – did you wash your hands?"

Back to School

Ponderosa

"This is it, Slim. I'm putting you on the next off-peak train outta here."

Davy Crockett - frontiersman and closet animal liberationist.

In 1882, accountant Desmond Mullens unwittingly rides into an intense frontier conflict.

'Doc, you've cured me of my white coat syndrome. Unfortunately, I'm afraid of clowns.'

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!

"I don't shake hands during flu season. Just scan my QR code."

"Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs record anything incriminating."

'You might want to recheck your math.'

"I don't recognize the first two fellers, but I'm pretty sure the one on the right is the Hop-A-Long Kid."

Employees must wash hands before leaving restroom and avoid dropping boogers in food.